Saturday, April 30, 2011

Royal Envy

I know the Royal Wedding is like, so last weekend, but I'm still reeling a little. Why? Because until 2 a.m. MST, Friday morning, I didn't know that princesses were real.
I mean, I've been to Buckingham Palace, but it looked like a museum. I've seen footage of Diana and I think she was wonderful, but she wasn't really during my time and she didn't live happily ever after. Hence, I always put "princess" in the same make-believe category as the sparkly pumpkins and helpful woodland creatures who accompany her. When people asked me if I wanted to be a princess when I grew up, I assumed they were patronizing me like they were when they asked if a fairy took my front tooth. No a fairy did not take my tooth. It turned grey and my mom tied it to a doorknob, then she gave me a quarter for it while I was sleeping.
So what in the heck is THIS?!

Or this?!

Or this, I ask you!
Let this last weekend be a lesson to little girls everywhere. You really could be a princess when you grow up, and you should decide now if you want to pursue that. Otherwise you'll fall in love with a handsome and charming but nonetheless common man, and you may find yourself with plenty of happiness in your life but absolutely no pageantry. I don't have any practical advice for you (and neither will your guidance counselor), but I assume your first step will be to move to England. You'll probably also need etiquette lessons from Julie Andrews.
For the rest of you who are either already married or too old to wait for Kate and William's future son, here are some ways to incorporate some Princess into your life:
- Give yourself an arbitrary title. Based on the town I grew up in, I wish to be called the Duchess of Carpentersville.
- When you see a cute guy walking behind you this summer, drop your flip-flop and wait for him to hand it to you. He may think you're a little gross for continuing to walk barefoot, but just explain that you couldn't slow down because your Jetta was about to turn into a summer squash.
- Wear a tiara to work.
- I hear Kate and William don't have any maids in their country home, so continue to not have any maids.
- Drink tea every day.
- Plan a dinner party and ask everyone to talk very softly and to be very boring.
Now let me hear your Duchess titles!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

We're There Yet.

I blog and journal best when I have very little to write about and lots of time to stare into space and think introspectively about a particular experience or thought. When I'm actually doing things, it's much harder to focus. This is why my blog details my thoughts on finding a vintage electric fan at Goodwill and getting a pap smear, but says nothing about moving away from my best friends, unpacking my belongings at my in-laws house, or going on a road trip to Idaho to embark on the journey that Pete and I have been working toward for five years -- all while working part-time, taking classes full-time and breastfeeding a four-month-old bottomless pit. When you notice that I'm blogging a lot, assume that I've been sitting on my couch in my pajamas for about a week and invite me over for coffee.
So if I were to rewind the last month and be a good blogger, here are some of the things I would have written about:
- Having a garage sale is a ridiculous idea, unless you have a good friend to do it with.
- If your marriage can survive the first three months post-partum, it's probably safe to start planning your Golden Anniversary.
- Breastfeeding is God's way of encouraging moms to sit and rest and cuddle with their babies every three hours, but it's easy to distort that time into something it shouldn't be, such as an opportunity to practice daily life as an amputee.
- It's better to have pursed, invested, loved and moved than to have sat in the back of a church for four years.
- Moving is kind of like dying in that everyone takes the time to make you feel indispensable right before you're going to dispense.
- Wind farms are beautiful.
- I don't like the term "missionary wife," and when I explained why to the MAF candidate committee members and they agreed with me, I got a good feeling about the next decade of my life.
So there. This entry was like calling an old friend who I haven't talked to in a while to catch up. Now I feel like I can open up a new post to write about how an ink pen got into my washing machine this morning and ruined my favorite pair of new jeans, and how this changed me a little bit for the better.